OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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