I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
