I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
