This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
