She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
