Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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