Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
