I didn't shave. On purpose
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
