What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
