He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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