this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
