like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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