Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
As shirtless as possible
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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