He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We're too hungover to prance.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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