I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
