i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
