hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
