After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
