Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
