I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
