man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
