For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize