the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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