This girl is more easily done than said...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
