if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
