guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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