So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
