I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
