Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
