I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Actions speak louder than pants.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
