I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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