I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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