Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
