I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
