You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
