the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
In other news, I just burned my penis
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
