Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
