Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
