she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I wish there were birth control emojis
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
