Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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