There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
