Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
