I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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