Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
