I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
