I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize