Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
