I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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