I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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