I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
