Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize