no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize