Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We talked him into tasing himself.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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