I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
