I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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