No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
