Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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