I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
