Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
