If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
