Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize