Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
