Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I am naked and annoyed.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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