your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
