I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
