I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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