WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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