The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
