i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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