I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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