Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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