i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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