Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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