We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
