My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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