there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
