I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm sobbing to NWA
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
