I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
