Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
