Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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