We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize