I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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