so that wasnt chicken after all
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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