We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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