You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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