oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
