theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Actions speak louder than pants.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize