I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
